I am the kind of person who hardly show my affection towards my fiancé in social media. I prefer to keep my personal affair to myself rather than announcing it to the world. To commemorate my final post as a bride to be, I wrote this post as a silent note to him.
I only dated 2 people in my entire life. One person whom I though was the one but it turns out to be the last person I ever want to meet. It was an emotional turmoil that I wish I never have to go through again. He was a dominant who dictate me on how I should live my life. Emotional torture was his strength towards me. How he fat-shaming me and name-calling me in all sorts of insults. He walked away without any words or signs of breaking up. I was in a depression for years that suicide was constantly on my mind.
Three years forward, I slowly picked up the pieces and joined a musical production. I was tugged by a friend to accompanied him to the audition. In the end, I was pulled in. After a few rehearsals, I met him. An attitude bloke with a devil-may-care personality. Initially, I thought he had a two full arms of tattoos, which turns out to be a arm sleeves due to his sensitive skin. My first reaction was, “I didn’t know *mat rep can dance. Maybe he wants to change to a better person”. He was appointed as my dance partner. I was a lousy dancer, he called me a ‘no hope’. That was hurtful, so I ignored him throughout of the whole production practices. And I was not selected to dance with him anyway after the choreographer decided not to include me.
After the final show, a small gesture change my perceptions on him. A warm hug from him. I secretly prayed that I meet a man who actually respect and accept for what I am. We exchanged email address and communicated through MSN messenger. My intention was to stay in touch and exchange production photos. One meet up lead to another when he offered to listen to my personal struggles. We began dating and eventually decided to meet my parents. In less than six months of courtship, he asked my hand in marriage that was witnessed by my relatives and our parents. We officially engaged the following year.
Some of my friends who is in the same art industry told me to stayed away from him due to his nature. Honestly, I do doubt his sincerity. I always thought that guys always pursue the prettier ones with popular personalities, while they ignore the ugly ones like me. Why wouldn’t I, he is surrounded with better looking women around him. He explained that he chose me for reason that I was different and we both share similar values in life. Subsequently, I began to fully trust him.
Obstacles came in flooding that we decided to make way for my sister to marry first than our supposed agreement. Most people would speculate that my intention in pursuing further studies as a cover up that we had split. While in fact, we both enjoy being with each other company that we meet almost every week. Nonetheless, we stood the test of time even after five years of engagement. And, I owe that friend of mine a warm gratitude for urging me to pursue that damn audition. Thank you.
Meeting him was my final straw, as I was starting to lose hope in finding love. Somehow, he rekindle the hope back into me.
**Mat Rep a definition of rowdy Malay male without drive or ambition
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